I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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