I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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