I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
