I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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