I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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