Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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