My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
