At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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