I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize