I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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