i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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