I love black thongs
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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