if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
