The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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