On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
