What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
4 words: hood of his car
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
