ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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