Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
