so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
