And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Operation Purity has been aborted
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
