was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
