seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
