You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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