It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
