i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
