dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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