He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Bring me that man meat
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
