And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
