wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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