you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
