Sry I called you an 8
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
