Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
