i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
