just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
