You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dignity is for republicans.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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