i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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