Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
