I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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