I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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