Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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