I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
