We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
