I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
