He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
