I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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