Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
