Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
