weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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