The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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