He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
