I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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