it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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