I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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