he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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