Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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