Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
