I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
handjob tips. give me some.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
