PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
