Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize