So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
