He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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