She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
