peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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