hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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