You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
