Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize