THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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