some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
